Sunday, April 19, 2009

The Question

In light of the post below...

What is one thing you wish someone would have told you prior to marriage?
OR (In order to not discriminate against the singles)
What is one thing you would really like to know before even thinking about marriage?


Laurie in Ca. said...

"Getting married does not mean you are all grown up. It just means you are leaving pre-school for the real deal." It is the most important job you will ever have in your entire life.

As my honey and I approach our 41st anniversary this August, I think back at how immature we were at 19 to say our vows to each other. It seemed to be a formality, these vows, necessary to get to the good times ahead. It was the challenge of a lifetime to grow up together. We lost our first baby and raised twin sons who are now 38 next month. Many years of trying to change each other with our feet dug in. Only Jesus could change us. He did. A few of the big vows broken, bringing heartbreak and broken trust. Only Jesus could heal that, and He worked with us to heal. We did vow, early on, that divorce was not an option and we have kept that vow with His help. Marriage will bring you to your knees faster than just about anything, and it did with us. We have worked on all things broken, many, and with His help can look back and see the growth in both of us. It is a reward straight from God to keep on keepin on WITH HIM. It cannot be done without Him. We tried, we failed, and we handed it over to Him to control. What a difference it has made in our lives. The only one we can change is ourself, and the only one who can help us do that is Jesus. Easy? Definitely not! Doable? Definitely Yes! There is no room for pride in a marriage, only room to let each other grow independently towards each other with Him in the middle. We are still growing up together and there will be more trials on the horizon, but we are getting the hang of how to get through with Him. And, being grandparents now is the greatest reward in the world. Together!

Love and Hugs, Laurie

Allison said...

"Don't take yourselves too seriously...have some fun already!!" - actually my husband and I didn't need anyone to tell us that, but I wish more people got the memo! Just because you get married doesn't mean you have to learn to cook, start playing golf, drive an SUV, talk about pre-schools, or wear makeup every day. Enjoy each other and your new life together, that's what I say :)

AW said...

About three years into my current (second) marriage, I heard a pastor say at a retreat: Marriage is not about someone making you happy. Marriage is about becoming holy." That has stuck with me like no other piece of advice. Considering this is my second marriage, the idea of failing again is a terrible fear of mine. But this advice really has put a new perspective on marriage for me. Happiness is fleeting, fluid, comes and goes. But if you're both working towards holiness, then perspective from the emotional aspect is completely different. I wish someone had told me that.

Like you, I am a huge fan of my marriage. We've been close to divorce, have been close to separating more than that. And the good times are sandwiched in between. Bottom line: I am ever so grateful that my husband is my partner in this. I can't imagine it any other way with anyone else.

Beck said...

We got LOADS of premarital counseling, worked so hard to deal with our baggage, and were told by folks, "you guys are gonna do great! you're already farther down the road than so many others!"

I wish someone would have told me that I would naturally suck at being married. Everyone does.

Also? I've learned that the very best thing I can do in this marriage is to keep my eyes on Jesus, off my husband's flaws & mistakes. If I will simply stay aware of my own junk, it is amazing how grateful I feel.

One last thought: I wish someone would've told me how all my favorite romance movies would only be a disservice to my marriage! Oy, I was such a romance addict.

Heather said...

That is a job, you have to work at it to make it good. That bad times will come and if you can hold on you will be stronger for it on the other side.

Jennifer Perkins said...

1) Good marriages take work. Lots of work.

2) Don't marry anyone you want to change. The bad habits only get worse.

3) God is the singular difference between a good marriage and a spectacular one. If you both put the Lord first, you will always be growing closer together, as you both grow closer to the Lord.

ChristineWinn said...

That pre-marital counseling would be pointless and teach us nothing. But that getting counseling after a few month of marriage would teach us more about ourselves that we knew and help us realize things we never thought of before.

Kim said...

Surrender and Submission to Christ is modeled through marriage ... it works both ways or not. That part doesn't matter.

The blessing of service to my husband IS the blessing.

Give. Then give more.

Serve. Then serve more.

Ya know. Like Christ?

ann said...

I wish I had realized way earlier that I was not/am not/will never be in charge of my husband, and he's never going to be in charge of me. Never going to happen, but a huge surprise. And it wasn't a done deal when we walked down the aisle. We have to decide to be married every single day. Over and over again.

Kim said...

Something that I wish people would QUIT saying to singles is that "When you quit looking, you'll find someone." I know plenty of people who were looking and found someone. There is nothing wrong with looking.

Something I wish people would listen to MORE is that it is FAR, far better to be single than to be in a bad marriage. Marriage for marriage's sake is not God's will. And marriage is not the be all end all to life's happiness. Yes, I want to be married and have kids, but not at the expense of my joy...and I know that if I am in God's will that won't happen, but I have plenty of friends who were in such a rush that they certainly "heard" God's will over loud protests from godly people. SO.

I can't really think of anything I would really like to know...other than if I have to share my Toaster Strudels. :) I think you can know be told in the world, but learning comes through experience.

Carey said...

Marriage and Laziness do not work!! You will literally have to choose to put your spouse's good over your own. And sometimes, he might not even notice. But there will also be times he will sacrifice for you too! This can only be accomplished through a growing relationship with the Lord and His grace to empower you to go against this selfish flesh of ours!

Unknown said...

I wish someone had told me to do it earlier! Actually they did, but I didn't listen.

And I wish someone told me, he isn't the wrong guy-he was chosen to be your husband by God, go in faith in the Lord. They told me that too! But I wasn't sure.

Katie said...

Before my first marriage, I wish somebody would have hit me over the head with a 2x4. Haha, not really.

I think it's imperative to understand 1 Cor 13. Love is not described as an emotion at all. If you're relying on the emotion of effection, you're headed for disaster every time. I love my husband by choice every day. That's not to say there's no affection, there certainly is, but affection comes sooo much easier when I focus on Christ's love as it's described in the Bible.

Sarah said...

I still remember standing in my kitchen as a 2-month bride, horrified that my husband didn't see the clear logic of my point of view. I remember thinking, "He just doesn't get it. And I'm stuck with him!"

People I trusted told me beforehand that marriage was work, but until I was actually married it didn't register fully what that meant. So I'd say the most valuable thing people told me before I married was that my husband and I could always come to them for advice and counsel, and that, knowing us and our character flaws, they loved us.

We just celebrated our tenth anniversary last week. :-)

Tori said...

GET PREMARITAL COUNSELING, and I highly recommend "Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts" by Les and Leslie Parrott. It is a wonderful resource for young couples, whether you are just dating, engaged, or even married. Because of these resources, I realized that I was about to marry a man that was not God's best for me.

"A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man need to seek Him to find her." I don't know who originally said that, but the same goes for a man. I want my future husband to love God more than He loves me, and I want Him to honestly be able to say that to me on my wedding day!

Anonymous said...

Love is a decision, simple as that!

MiniMe Mom said...

We are ten years in....longer than some, too:-)

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

I wish someone would have told me (although I am sure I would not have listened anyway) that we will be and think different; choose to love and be kind regardless.

Amy R. said...

I wish someone had told me not to be scared to ask for help when you really need it. When we finally did decide to go to counseling, there were so many other couples who came out of the counseling closet. One friend of ours encouraged us by saying "I don't know very many Christian couples who made it past 5 years without some counseling." Why is it so taboo? Our Christian Marriage Counselor is amazing and has helped us so much. And I use the word Christian because we first went to someone secular because our insurance covered it and it was a major waste of co-pay. Trying to get through something without God is pointless. We are celebrating our 8th anniversary on Tuesday and I'm so incredibly thankful that Jesus got us to this day. He's bringing things into our marriage now that weren't there before - never give up, always have hope.

Malissa said...

I wish someone had told me:

1) Always give your spouce the benefit of the doubt, don't assume that whatever happened, they did it to hurt, annoy, or harm you.

I am thankful that someone told me:

2) People do not "fall out of love" they choose to stop loving each other. It doesn't happen all in one day. Satan will creep in over time and little by little force you apart. If you aren't vigilant, you wont even notice.

Stellan Bracelets said...

I wish I had understood how much influence and impact a man's upbringing has on him, and how that will affect your relationship. My parents and his are night-and-day different, and the different environments in which we were raised have been the basis for many of our problems.

That being said, we're 14 years into this marriage, things are better than ever, and we're committed to making it work.

Last but most important -- keeping your eyes on the Lord instead of on each other helps SO MUCH. Saved our marriage.

Anonymous said...

I have been married for two years now. I am very much enjoying marriage and all the blessings involved. One thing I wished someone had prepared me for the quietness that would be here while my hubby is at work. Though it wouldn't have changed anything even if someone had told me it would be very different than what I was used to. I am the second oldest of 9 children. There was never a dull or quiet moment in the house. I was certainly in for a shock when I started taking care of our own place and feeding only two mouths.
I also wished that I had been prepared for doing my own grocery shopping. I hardly knew where anything was except for items down the baking aisle.
And I wished someone had told me that my husband snores loudly. Though it isn't a problem anymore, it was something that kinda scared me the first time i woke up to his loud snores! Though it is mild compared to his sleep walking battles! I far prefer his snoring any night over the sleep terrors.
My husband and I are very close. We aren't really the fighting type and are quick to apologize if we upset one another. Our arguments are usually mild ones and are over in less than five minutes. I believe we have had it easy these past two years. We live off of the bare minimum as we can't afford anything that isn't a necessity, and we feel that has played a huge role in our contentedness with where we are in life. Things are so simple and not as hard as I had imagined life would be. It has been just about a perfect marriage for us. We do argue and get upset, but that is part of the beauty that comes with a growing love for each other.

Anonymous said...

Marry a person that likes doing the same things you do. Because when the fun newly-wed phase wears off you guys are going to have to find other ways to better occupy your time!