Having traveled lately quite a bit, and when not traveling, being occupied with catching up due to travels- our communication has lacked. But we have had some great times this summer doing something infinitely more important than communicating…creating and living days that are worth communicating.
With that said, the following posts are some various thoughts and words from our world:
He would be three today. Rather, he is three today.
This provides a great introduction to just the tip of the problems I have with wrapping my mind around the way I feel today. The way I will feel tomorrow. Next year, for that matter.
I don’t know what to think- or even what to think on. Most definitely do not understand how to prod my heart to feel. Not that it would matter. I certainly have learned that the heart makes a terrible student, but a great teacher. Ever illuminating the fact that walking through something never feels like you thought it would, and exposing foolishness at thinking you could fathom a path unwalked.
Ginny is better at marking these days than I am. She just goes about being his mom. Deliberating and decorating his headstone, whipping up cupcakes. Mom stuff.
For the most part, I pass time by attempting to decipher what I am feeling and comparing it to what I should be feeling. Although I am tempted to describe my current state as numbness. In fact, what I feel is the exact opposite.
I feel it all. From all directions. Happy. Sad. Celebratory. Fearful. And the list goes on.
Despite the illusionary wrestling match with proper feelings. It is always a good thing to remember. To intentionally go to breakfast at a place that holds special Eliot-meaning to Ginny & I, and to talk about our son. To take Hazel to Wilson Park where her big brother frequented. To pour a drink and watch video of our son.
Never sure what to feel, but certain of what to do: remember.
Thus, this day is different. Yet this day is no different.
Right before we headed to New York for the Today Show, we received notice that put the interview into proper perspective by trumping any New York news.
We are pregnant! We are thrilled.
Ginny is about 11 weeks along with a due date of February 7th. Lord willing, this child will be 16 months younger than Hazel.
No we will not find out if it’s a boy or girl. No we won’t tell you our potential names. Yes, we are those people.
In fact, we got to see this baby today via ultrasound. Amazing. Pretty much kicking, punching, and being awesome.
Ginny is sick but smiling. Three pregnancies in three years, and I must say, she has never been more beautiful.