Wednesday, January 13, 2010

the stranger on the couch...

Our prayers are with those in Haiti.
These links have helped me know the story, as well as how I can help: world vision, aaron ivey, big picture.

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Thankfully, Ginny has arrived at 36 weeks (due feb 7); thus, weekly Dr. visits began this week. All looks good. We should have a date by next week that we will not be allowed to go beyond. Ginny is feeling quite pregnant- there is something about confinement to the couch for months at a time that has not made these last few weeks the most enjoyable. However, in light of all that this baby has already brought, we really have nothing to lament, and she-as always- is taking it in stride and smiling along the way.

Lately, we have been reminding one another that a human being is about to plant itself squarely into our lives and possibly even want us to feed it. It is amazing how the thought patterns in preparation for #3 have been vastly different than they were with both Eliot & Hazel's arrival. Survival of bed rest & daily Hazel chase have left little time for discussion or preparation. I guess this is good. I guess this is a more normal way of welcoming children after #1. But it is new to us, and seems like we're being rude to the tike to come.

Of course, there is ever present in the recesses of our minds, and more so, our hearts, the feeling that, eventually, something is going to go wrong. It is the nagging guest that will not leave- the one on the couch that you wish wasn't there, and you had hoped that if you did not acknowledge his presence, he would just go away.

But he doesn't.

And I'm sure there are some who would write this off as a lack of faith or pessimism, and it is quite possible that there was a time when I could be counted among their fold. Although, I am ever certain my faith needs work, I am just as sure that this is not the entirety of the issue.

It is just that experience can never be discounted. What one has walked through with his own two feet will always be a louder voice than the preacher or the self-help book or the bumper sticker. Because once you have walked through it, you know. And until then, you can only look to those who have.

The only statistic that matters to us, is the one whereby I have one child in bed tonight and one no longer on this earth.

I know loss. I know it happens. I know we are not safe. We do not deserve everything to be fine this go around, nor can you assure us it will be. I have walked in suffering, and it was a teacher I cannot mute.

With such disposition, we stand waiting on this baby.

And yet there is more.
Because this harsh reality ushered more lessons of experience as well.
He is good no matter what comes.

One is in bed, but for two He was faithful.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

thanks for reminding that God's faithfulness is in tact whether or not the outcome is expected. appreciate you both more than words:)
-martha

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing. Thank you more for being so honest! Can't wait to meet this baby!

christina said...

again, so familiar a post/feeling/response to where we are, too. thank you for allowing me to walk with you yet again. We recently were diagnosed with fifth disease around here, and as "rare" as it is to have not be exposed, it turns out I haven't been..until now. And being 24 weeks pregnant...it's not great for us. We now get to have weekly ultrasounds AGAIN..just like with Cana. And just like with Travis, because we had previa with him. So it feels all to familiar and scary..and we've gotten the same ol "i'm sure it'll be fine" lines...to which i beg of them not to say that, because so many who said that with Cana....have all but disappeared. We understand it's human nature to want to have something good and positive to say..but still. i'm so with you there.

I keep sharing, in a somewhat morbid way, that we know how to do "worst case scenario." And we don't find comfort in the statistics. We ARE a statistic. But we DO find comfort in the Lord. We remain in the shadow of His wings...right there with you. All 5 of you, all 5 of us. :)

thelyttlesinpa said...

Matt and Ginny,

I too am expecting #3, (with one in bed and one in Heaven), just a few weeks after you. I too am struggling to believe this baby will be healthy and whole and that I won't be called upon to walk that difficult road again. I know that stranger on your couch, and I feel he is simply "experience." Losing a child makes you feel so vulnerable- it's just the way it is. Praying for you as you approach the day of this little one's arrival. Trusting ahd hoping, with you, that God's goodness will be evident.

Amy

Randi said...

Hugs and prayers are with you!
Love,
The Booth family

Lori at The Davidson Den said...

Beautifully written, as usual. HE is good all the time. Blessings to you and your family.

Monkey Momma said...

I wish I had something encouraging, uplifting. My story does not contain more pain than yours...or less I guess...just different since our journeys are different. But I'm realizing that every step of both of my pregnancies, I was always looking at that "safety zone" when the baby was viable outside of me. My babes are healthy and fine...but I worry incessantly, just like when they were in utero. Making me realize there is NO safety zone this side of Heaven. And I think it is that tension that God WANTS me to have. So that I gain more trust in His plans for my new home up there with him. Rambling now, I guess...just wanted to let you know that so many of us travel this uncertain journey alongside you. Perhaps we don't share the details of our lives, but that uncertainty...many of us "get" in one way or another.

moplans said...

thinking of you both.
lisa

Dani said...

This morning I went to find your video of Eliot. I have a friend who is only in her 30s whose body is failing her and I wanted to remember Eliot and your faith and the message of Job 1:21. Best of luck with the new baby. May you feel the love of God in this happy time. :)

Laura said...

LOVE that last sentence! Thanks!

Elle2702 said...

There is no pain on Earth that Heaven cannot heal.

What is in between? The stranger on the couch. The good thing is he is everpresent here and out of a job in Heaven.

I like to think the stranger on the couch are more like shoes. They are shoes I have walked in, but maybe someone else has not, so they don't understand WHY I am so fanatical about how I tie them, wear them or how I walk in them. They may not understand why I can't chuck my dirty old comfy shoes...even if they are falling apart. Even two people who have walked the same path, may not be wearing the same shoes. So one may turn to the other with the same experience and ask why are you wearing those shoes? The may not understand. Its insane and part of the human experience all the same.

God has great plans no matter what. The journey are like your instructions and how you interpret and listen.

I have two in a bed and two above.

God has provided so much to me, it hasn't been easy, but it has been worth it. Every step.

God Bless and my thoughts and prayers are with you as you family grows by two tiny precious feet!

prashant said...

Thank you more for being so honest! Can't wait to meet this baby!

Work from home India

The Hull Munchkins said...

I hear what your talking about. After experiencing our 3rd high risk pg complete with bed rest and more, we also felt the presence of that unwelcome "couch" guest. (We made it to 37 wks!)

So happy to read your family has added another little bundle!! Congratulations. He is gorgeous!
-Patty