so what i affectionately call the "bedrest journey" continues at the mooney household. we went in to the doctor last week & there was no change with the placenta previa. we left there with a better understanding of what is going on, since the info received before pretty much was in the midst of a scary unexpected trip to the hospital. at this appointment, we were able to sit & ask our doctor (side note: this incredible, God-send woman who delivered eliot & hazel & has walked through a lot with us) to explain further what happened & what is the skinny on the situation. the short of it is that there are 2 things that make this placenta previa a bit precarious...1. how early in the pregnancy it is (i am almost 21 weeks) & 2. that there has already been hemorrhaging. so i continue to sit & we day by day are learning a completely new way to do life with mom on the couch. more on this later...but for now, the real reason i got on here...
he hands me a cup of water & i spot her drool on his arm. i lay here & he glances my way while rushing through our house with her in his arms. his eyes are tired, but it would take a lot for him to actually admit his exhaustion. he pushes through the unique challenges of our new way of doing life with such humility, determination, & love. at the same time, he's honest in the difficult moments. he schedules the baby's week with moms-day-out, grandparents, friends, & sitters so he can attempt to work & oh, i don't know, make a living in the midst of this. he comes home from work. he lays on the floor so she can crawl over him, around him & then up to his face. they laugh together & play for a while. he empties the dishwasher, then fills it. all the while with the little girl pulling on the leg of his jeans that really need to be thrown in the wash. he prepares my dinner, he prepares her dinner. he feeds her, bathes her, puts her to bed, then actually feeds himself. he picks up from her dinner, sweeps the millions of cheerios from underneath her highchair, then does more dishes, then a little laundry, then putting away the toys.
all the while, i sit & i watch. he does that which i currently can not. i watch him do the routine daily things with her that i took for granted & now miss terribly. i watch him serve me & wonder what it now looks like for me to be his wife when all i've ever known is what i now can not do. it's only a short while. in my head i know that, but my heart is having a hard time adjusting to my role as a mom & wife completely redefined...even if it's only a short while. i wonder a lot. my mind goes all kinds of places & most of these are places that blur the picture before me.
in front of my very eyes is something spectacular that i've been too immersed in myself to see.
yes, it's matt.
yes, it's the greatest, out-of-this-world daddy.
yes, it's the greatest husband who relentlessly loves his wife.
but really, when the picture focuses just a little, i see that it's actually Jesus. it's been Him all along.
Matt's birthday was a week ago. All that I had planned for his birthday wasn't possible. Therefore, from his wife on his birthday, he received, for the first time ever...nothing. So this post is a little insight into our lives as of late, but is more than that, it's a birthday present of sorts. A "thank you". A "love you". if you so choose to comment, wish him a belated birthday with me.